I want to be feasted on at every angle.

One of my biggest fantasy is being pleasured by many hands and many mouths.

@christopherrutledge

helpless. overwhelmed. indulgence.

Have you ever wanted to feel like putty in someone else’s hands? Like being played with, squeezed, and molded purely for their enjoyment?

Not for my own pleasure, but for theirs.

I want to be their stress ball, their fidget toy, something soft and reactive they can touch however they like.

Squeeze me and hear what kind of noise I make.

Touch me there and I might…

I want to be surrounded. Teased and kissed and touched from every angle until I can’t tell whose hands belong to who. I want someone tugging on my nipples while another mouth works between my legs. I want to feel overwhelmed, overstimulated to the point where pleasure starts to feel like a kind of beautiful torment. It’s like being tickled past the point of laughter, except the sensation never stops and I never want it to.

These fantasies have buried in me for a long time. Even as a kid, I remember drawing crude little scenes in the back of my closet; a woman tied to a pole, surrounded by faceless figures reaching for her. I didn’t fully understand what I was drawing back then, but I already knew I was curious about the idea of being completely surrounded and helpless.

As I got older, certain pieces of media only deepened this obsession.

Labyrinth (1986)

There’s a scene in Labyrinth where Sarah falls through a trapdoor and countless arms reach out from the walls to catch her. It’s not meant to be erotic, but the image stayed with me the time I watched it in my family living room. The idea of being suspended in midair, touched and grabbed from every direction by disembodied hands… it did something to me. I still squeeze my thighs together thinking about it.

Alice in Sexland (1998)

One of the few pages that I can show on Substack.

As I got older and had unrestricted access to the internet. I found Alice in Sexland, a hentai based on the classic children’s tale. There was one particular scene that sealed it for me. Alice falls down a hole where the walls are lined with naked, lustful bodies that immediately pull her into a sweaty, chaotic orgy. Hands were everywhere: groping, squeezing, exploring every inch of her. The page above and the subsequent pages, were burned into my brain. The idea of falling and being caught not by safety, but by hunger.

La femme damnée (1859)

Nicolas-Francois-Octave Tassaert, La femme damnée, 1859

I discovered this painting more recently, but it spoke to me on so many levels. La femme damnée (“The Damned Woman”) depicts a single woman suspended in the air, completely surrendered to three other women. Their mouths are hungry, their hands greedy, and she is caught in what looks like an eternal state of pleasure; being feasted on without end.

There’s something about classical art that makes even the most obscene scenes feel strangely elegant. But for me, this painting captures that dreamy, hazy feeling of completely letting go. No resistance. No performance. Just surrender.

i am the dammed woman.

Scenes that have been keeping me up at night.

What draws me to this fantasy isn’t just the idea of group sex or orgies. It’s the surrender. Being the center of so much attention and sensation that I stop trying to control anything. I want to be kissed and licked and touched until I’m trembling and incoherent. I want mouths on my neck, my chest, my thighs, my pussy…all at once. I want to feel like I’m being devoured.

Some nights I’ll stay up late touching myself to videos (you see above) of women completely letting go, passed between partners, lost in a haze of hands and mouths and bodies. There’s something deeply erotic to me about watching someone give in completely. No performance. Just raw, overwhelming pleasure.

That’s what I crave. To be the one in the middle. The one being played with. The one who gets to fall apart under so many attentive hands and mouths.

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Big thanks to kierra bliss for taking the time to talk with me and for inspiring me to finish this piece. I was struggling to bring it together until I read her article “What Happened When I Publicized My Fantasy.” It helped me articulate my own thoughts more clearly.

This kind of theme, being overwhelmed & surrendering, is something I want to explore more in my writing. You’ll see how it plays out in Lumi’s journey in Vivid Desires and “possibly” through my own experiences in Ginza Li’s Sex Quest.

I’m not done with this fantasy yet.

— Ginza Li 🖤